The Morning After

I began a new job yesterday. My 9am meeting with HR was less painful then I anticipated (good). But I have 2 spend 2 days next week downtown at "corporate" for the mega-marathon of benefits and "worklife" seminars (bad). Those are the days where you are sitting with everyone else hired by the monolithic organization and watch video tapes about POS plans and 401K options.
But you have to love it when the head of HR snickers as he tells you that about the mandatory 2-hour online course on Sexual Harassment in the workplace. Or when, as an afterthought he slides you a document and mumbles, "oh yeah and here's the Drug Free thing...." as it were the most useless application of ink to paper ever.

I will say, the place is tight. My office was waiting for me (!) absolutely stripped bare but within an hour, I had a brand new phone installed with working #'s, a decent MacBookPro to toodle with, and a very comfy and highly adjustable deskchair to play with for the greater part of the hour. IT came by (more on them later) and showered me with the appropriate amount of derision and pity that is to be expected while they sorted me out with my email account, telcom stuff, computing requirements, etc. Oh, and unless you see someone standing naked, you can never be sure what their gender is. Proceed with caution when using 3rd person pronouns.

I have decided for this latest chapter of my employed life (sooo messed up), I'm going to be channeling 1 part Franklin Hart*, 1 part Pam from the Office (although I desperately want to walk around acting like Angela), and 1 part Jason Bourne. In all seriousness, I've landed a very decent gig and I'm quite fortunate and pleased to be working there. The pay is good, the people are smart, the work is interesting, there is a gym on site, and I may very well be able to ride a bike to work during the spring/summer months.

Some observations from a formerly retired young(ish) man:

1. Start a new job on a Friday. Trust me on this. Just do it.
   
2. There seems to be a law of physics manifest in an office between the hours from 2.30 - 4.30pm where time seems to stand still. I learned that this is a good time to sneak peeks at your coworkers iTunes Shared libraries over the network.
3. Working a regular (>40 hrs/wk) job is going to wreak havoc on my fitness and nutritional accomplishments. Case in point: I haven't worked out since Wednesday AND I ate a "burrito" for lunch yesterday with my colleagues [shudder]. Cut to me in 6 months driving one of those fatty-scooters into the building as my pendulous manbreasts slap against my abdomen. ew.
4. Starting a new job at 36 beats the hell out of starting a new job at say, 24. The latter is an idiot aside from being the noob on site regardless, where the former has been around the block long enough to figure most things out on his/her own and can walk in confidently with experience to assess whether the new environ is up to snuff.
5. I need music in my office. That is all.
6. I need a vacation.
   

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It's been a crazy busy week (omfg I saw Tegan & Sara perform Wed) and this post is all over the place but that's cause it's the wee hours Sat morning. I got home from work at like 6.30 !!>:(
last night and proceeded to knock back a couple glasses of champy before enjoying fine wines with (and after) dinner.


*If you don't get this reference, you are too young to be reading this. Go catch up on your classics.

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