Non News News Article

This pisses me off and freaks me out simultaneously - an AP "article" that is nothing more than a press release put out by Tom Cruises' camp of freaks. The headline itself acknowledges it has nothing to say: 'Tom Cruise Stays Hot in Hollywood' is not news and it's not even true. 'Tom Cruise is a Media-Manipulating Cult Member', while not news either (as in breaking news) is much more accurate an article to write.

I wonder if Sandy Cohen - the author of the "article" - tells people she is a "journalist", the way Tom Cruise is an "actor".

The "article" is unbelievably vapid. Here's one of the more useless quotes:

Cruise isn't just a major movie star. He's mastered the elusive art of staying hot in Hollywood.

It's a difficult achievement.

Actually, it's not.

For starters, announce out of the blue that you're dating somebody that no one really cares about. Dodge rumours that you actually had a short list of popular actresses who refused to enter into a contractual arrangement until a C/B list actress who needs the career bump finally accepts the terms. Repeatedly appear in magazines with this fake girlfriend. Go on TV and act like a dick about everything from Brooke Shields to psychiatry to said fake-girlfriend. Announce fake 10 month pregnancy and heavily document it. Time delivery of fake baby to coincide with release of shitty, pointless, Hollywood action extravaganza. And walk out of any interview that attempts to discover anything actually insightful about you.

[If you are a female you're in Hollywood you are more likely to "stay hot" by developing an obvious (i.e. visible) eating disorder, most likely fueled by a cocaine addiction, and flashing inappropriate body parts at events.]

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For more insipid "news" courtesy of the Associated Press, I recommend you check out the other item from today "Tom Cruise Skips Paris News Conference". It's an illuminating exploration into the world of Tom Cruise as he shirks his professional responsibilities to buy his fake-baby some shit in a babystore. Don't miss the awkward and totally forced sub-story about what a major heterosexual player he is.