The last line is my favorite.
DAPHNE, Ala. -- Worried about the safety of her family during a stormy Memorial Day trip to the beach, Clara Jean Brown stood in her kitchen and prayed for their safe return as a strong thunderstorm rumbled through Baldwin County, Alabama. But while she prayed, lightning suddenly exploded, blowing through the linoleum and leaving a blackened area on the concrete. Brown wound up on the floor, dazed and disoriented by the blast but otherwise uninjured. She said 'Amen' and the room was engulfed in a huge ball of fire. The 65-year-old Brown said she is blessed to be alive. Firefighters said its likely she was hit by a bolt of lightning that apparently struck outside and traveled into the house yesterday afternoon. She was found lying on the floor by her 14-year-old granddaughter. Fire officials think the lightning likely struck across the street from the couple's home and traveled into the house through a water line. The lightning continued into the couple's backyard and ripped open a small trench. A family member said he will no longer assume it is safe to be indoors during a lightning strike.
Wednesday, May 31
Tuesday, May 30
2 Things
1. I haven't lost the plot completely or anything, despite the appearance from my last couple of posts.. I just got all shittay because of Memorial Day - and while I plan to incorporate a voice of dissent more into things, I haven't gone all soft so sit tight (where'd that phrase come from anyway?) and I'll get back to slightly left-of-center soon. And dissing formal shorts.
2. What do you call it when you are afraid to post a comment on someone's blog registered as your Blogger user 'cause you're embarrassed they might come and view yours and be all ew! so you post Anonymously instead? (Furthermore what do you call it when you do that more often than not?)
2. What do you call it when you are afraid to post a comment on someone's blog registered as your Blogger user 'cause you're embarrassed they might come and view yours and be all ew! so you post Anonymously instead? (Furthermore what do you call it when you do that more often than not?)
Bush Says U.S. Must Honor War Dead
And ctrl-freak says Bush should practice what he preaches.
He's the reason we got more dead to honor.
His job as president of the country is to use DIPLOMACY to try to resolve international conflicts, war in the modern day should not be an option, much to the chagrin of his oil and weapons manufacturing cronies.
Bush should shut the fuck up.
WORST. PRESIDENT. EVER.
Click here for an interesting flash animation about Bush's nuclear aims - at the end of the piece is a link to a document (.pdf) that gives more info.
He's the reason we got more dead to honor.
His job as president of the country is to use DIPLOMACY to try to resolve international conflicts, war in the modern day should not be an option, much to the chagrin of his oil and weapons manufacturing cronies.
Bush should shut the fuck up.
WORST. PRESIDENT. EVER.
Click here for an interesting flash animation about Bush's nuclear aims - at the end of the piece is a link to a document (.pdf) that gives more info.
Post Mortem - Memorial Day
[Note: All links will open in new windows. ]
I had a post up here displaying further proof of the atrocity that is 'dressy shorts' (believe me it was disturbing as it contained the double whammy of 'dressy shorts' and the near nip-slip) followed by an image of a dude vomiting. Yesterday that seemed funny and scampy.
Then I watched American Experience | Two Days in October. I don't normally watch or enjoy war history programs but I forced myself to watch the entire show because it was Memorial Day after all and I figured it was an appropriate way to calibrate my mind to the reason for the holiday, and I don't want to be one of those people who are all "What are you doing for Labor Day -- Memorial Day -- whatever! Let's get fuuuuuucked up!!"
The program juxtaposes 2 days in October 1967 "when history turned a corner". One is the day when 61 (out of 142) men were killed in an ambush in Vietnam, due arguably to a series of lies, miscommunications, and ineptitudes by higher ups in the military. The other recounts the day that University of Madison, Wisconsin students staged a peaceful protest against Dow Chemical recruiting on campus. Dow was the manufacturer of the jelly fuel weapon, napalm. The students were against their university providing subsidies to Dow in the form of space and access to students to recruit fresh meat for their workforce. The students ended up getting severely beaten by a small group of (provincial) local Madison policemen who came onto campus. Both incidents were glossed over and "spun" by the media to serve the goals of The State.
Through a series of interviews with some of the men who survived the battle in the Vietnamese jungle, punctuated by cuts to yearbook photos of the men when they were in school, I learned about how these guys - some as young as 18 - went off to serve the country pretty blindly. In other words, these soldiers didn't necessarily have an opinion about whether or not the war was justified; that was outside the scope of their service, they trusted their government to make those decisions. I can not convey how moving it was to see these men, some big burly veterans, getting choked up as they recounted the horrors of watching your comrades and friends die in the jungle and then being abandoned by your superiors. When these soldiers regained consciousness in hospitals, often times they were tools of the Media Machine as they were presented with medals on camera and told to lie about their experience. To make matters worse, the few men who were fortunate (?) to survive and go back to America were faced with a nation that not only didn't welcome them, but was actively protesting their service in Vietnam.
Cut to Madison.
Hundreds of progressive anti-war students staged a sit in in the halls of the building where Dow was to conduct their recruitment. The university chancellor William Sewell, was considered an ally of the students and sympathetic to their cause. Unfortunately, due to pressure, he had to bow and called in local police who showed up and very quickly began clubbing students and eventually hurling tear gas into the crowds. Some of those Madison police officers are interviewed and I found myself cursing at the television as I listened to their narrow, herdlike justification for their excessive violence. 65 students ended up in the hospital.
In both cases the aftermath via media reports spun the incidents to show the government and police were 'right' or victorious (against communists) and completely justified.
The main thing I took away from watching the American Experience program was pretty simple. War is really bad, rarely a clear cut case, and should be avoided.
The United States today is again in a war that many find unjustified. The domestic authorities are using excessive force, surveillance, and intimidation to squelch dissidence. The death toll of American men and women in Iraq lies somewhere around 2,500. The number of Iraqi civilians killed (the "IBC" or Iraqi Body Count, I've learned) is estimated between 38,000 - 42,000. And just like in the Vietnam war, the government is controlling and manipulating the news you and I receive to further their own goals.
The one thing I took away from watching the American Experience program was simply "war is really bad and should be avoided at almost any cost". I can't wrap my head around the fact that 40 years later we've not only made no progress, but things have escalated. Now I'm trying to figure out what to do about it.
I took Memorial Day seriously.
Today, 'dressy shorts', Lindsay Lohan, American Idol, utter shit "news" like this, no longer seems funny or entertaining.
I had a post up here displaying further proof of the atrocity that is 'dressy shorts' (believe me it was disturbing as it contained the double whammy of 'dressy shorts' and the near nip-slip) followed by an image of a dude vomiting. Yesterday that seemed funny and scampy.
Then I watched American Experience | Two Days in October. I don't normally watch or enjoy war history programs but I forced myself to watch the entire show because it was Memorial Day after all and I figured it was an appropriate way to calibrate my mind to the reason for the holiday, and I don't want to be one of those people who are all "What are you doing for Labor Day -- Memorial Day -- whatever! Let's get fuuuuuucked up!!"
The program juxtaposes 2 days in October 1967 "when history turned a corner". One is the day when 61 (out of 142) men were killed in an ambush in Vietnam, due arguably to a series of lies, miscommunications, and ineptitudes by higher ups in the military. The other recounts the day that University of Madison, Wisconsin students staged a peaceful protest against Dow Chemical recruiting on campus. Dow was the manufacturer of the jelly fuel weapon, napalm. The students were against their university providing subsidies to Dow in the form of space and access to students to recruit fresh meat for their workforce. The students ended up getting severely beaten by a small group of (provincial) local Madison policemen who came onto campus. Both incidents were glossed over and "spun" by the media to serve the goals of The State.
Through a series of interviews with some of the men who survived the battle in the Vietnamese jungle, punctuated by cuts to yearbook photos of the men when they were in school, I learned about how these guys - some as young as 18 - went off to serve the country pretty blindly. In other words, these soldiers didn't necessarily have an opinion about whether or not the war was justified; that was outside the scope of their service, they trusted their government to make those decisions. I can not convey how moving it was to see these men, some big burly veterans, getting choked up as they recounted the horrors of watching your comrades and friends die in the jungle and then being abandoned by your superiors. When these soldiers regained consciousness in hospitals, often times they were tools of the Media Machine as they were presented with medals on camera and told to lie about their experience. To make matters worse, the few men who were fortunate (?) to survive and go back to America were faced with a nation that not only didn't welcome them, but was actively protesting their service in Vietnam.
Cut to Madison.
Hundreds of progressive anti-war students staged a sit in in the halls of the building where Dow was to conduct their recruitment. The university chancellor William Sewell, was considered an ally of the students and sympathetic to their cause. Unfortunately, due to pressure, he had to bow and called in local police who showed up and very quickly began clubbing students and eventually hurling tear gas into the crowds. Some of those Madison police officers are interviewed and I found myself cursing at the television as I listened to their narrow, herdlike justification for their excessive violence. 65 students ended up in the hospital.
In both cases the aftermath via media reports spun the incidents to show the government and police were 'right' or victorious (against communists) and completely justified.
The main thing I took away from watching the American Experience program was pretty simple. War is really bad, rarely a clear cut case, and should be avoided.
The United States today is again in a war that many find unjustified. The domestic authorities are using excessive force, surveillance, and intimidation to squelch dissidence. The death toll of American men and women in Iraq lies somewhere around 2,500. The number of Iraqi civilians killed (the "IBC" or Iraqi Body Count, I've learned) is estimated between 38,000 - 42,000. And just like in the Vietnam war, the government is controlling and manipulating the news you and I receive to further their own goals.
The one thing I took away from watching the American Experience program was simply "war is really bad and should be avoided at almost any cost". I can't wrap my head around the fact that 40 years later we've not only made no progress, but things have escalated. Now I'm trying to figure out what to do about it.
I took Memorial Day seriously.
Today, 'dressy shorts', Lindsay Lohan, American Idol, utter shit "news" like this, no longer seems funny or entertaining.
Monday, May 29
Who Wears Short-Shorts?
A: How about blind, idiotic trend whores & fashion victims?
[The NYT covered this embarrassing trend May 11th, but I'm not going to pay for the archive.. The ladies over at GoFugYourself have been covering this upsetting phenomenon for quite some time as well. I'm working from the LA Times treatment.]
Consider this a public service announcement. If the LA Times is even remotely close to being accurate in this fluff piece on the latest trend in women's apparel I'm going to hurl or gouge out my eyes. I don't care what you call them: tailored shorts, city shorts, dressed-up shorts, they are RIDICULOUS and UGLY. Just because Mischa, Lindsay, Nicole, Jennifer, Britlee, etc do this does not make it acceptable or good.
Ladies, trust me here. If you think that you will be taken seriously in your office shorts OR look 'sexy' in what is essentially a child's leisure garment, you are sorely mistaken (unless your goal is to gain the lusty attentions of Charlie Sheen I guess).
Seriously, these shorts look stupid. Just because you may have nice legs, doesn't mean you can wear tailored shorts to accentuate them successfully --any more than you can make nice boobs nicer by having them spill up, over, and out of a top, or a well groomed cooch more well groomed by flashing it.
Shorts on adults is always a risky venture, and I tend to honor the theorem that the appropriateness of shorts is inversely related to the wearer's distance from the seaside.
By now you may be starting to get defensive, thinking to yourself "I could pull them off", or "In the right place and time, they could be cute". Wrong. Nowhere and never are they going to work.
Aaaaaarrrgggggg! Ahoy Kiebler Elves!
[The NYT covered this embarrassing trend May 11th, but I'm not going to pay for the archive.. The ladies over at GoFugYourself have been covering this upsetting phenomenon for quite some time as well. I'm working from the LA Times treatment.]
Consider this a public service announcement. If the LA Times is even remotely close to being accurate in this fluff piece on the latest trend in women's apparel I'm going to hurl or gouge out my eyes. I don't care what you call them: tailored shorts, city shorts, dressed-up shorts, they are RIDICULOUS and UGLY. Just because Mischa, Lindsay, Nicole, Jennifer, Britlee, etc do this does not make it acceptable or good.
Ladies, trust me here. If you think that you will be taken seriously in your office shorts OR look 'sexy' in what is essentially a child's leisure garment, you are sorely mistaken (unless your goal is to gain the lusty attentions of Charlie Sheen I guess).
Seriously, these shorts look stupid. Just because you may have nice legs, doesn't mean you can wear tailored shorts to accentuate them successfully --any more than you can make nice boobs nicer by having them spill up, over, and out of a top, or a well groomed cooch more well groomed by flashing it.
Shorts on adults is always a risky venture, and I tend to honor the theorem that the appropriateness of shorts is inversely related to the wearer's distance from the seaside.
By now you may be starting to get defensive, thinking to yourself "I could pull them off", or "In the right place and time, they could be cute". Wrong. Nowhere and never are they going to work.
Aaaaaarrrgggggg! Ahoy Kiebler Elves!Resist the urge. Please. (I myself held out against the pathetically tragic trend of the 'popped collar' on a polo shirt and came out better for it).
Unfortunately, I don't think this is the last we shall be hearing of this unfortunate phenomenon.
Stay tuned.
Unfortunately, I don't think this is the last we shall be hearing of this unfortunate phenomenon.
Stay tuned.
Friday, May 26
MyMorbidSpace
Since this site doesn't update enough, I've now added this site to my repertoire of sadness-inducing internet sites.
This entry struck me as especially sad. The thought of a cute 18 year old Japanese woman (in kimono) hurling herself off a skyscraper jacked up on methamphetamine -- ugh, it's too much.
And so dramatic.
This entry struck me as especially sad. The thought of a cute 18 year old Japanese woman (in kimono) hurling herself off a skyscraper jacked up on methamphetamine -- ugh, it's too much.
And so dramatic.
Whoa, Talk About Missing the Forest for the Trees
Or the mountain for the peak in this case.
So more than 40 mountaineers attempting to summit Mount Everest passed by a guy who was in obvious distress; basically the man was dying. The passers-by were too focused/selfish/busy/"inexperienced" to aid the 34 year old and subsequently, he died.
Let me get this straight. I want to scale the highest mountain in the world, in one of the most spiritual places on the globe, and on my way I encounter someone who is in dire need of some human care. Call me "namby pamby", but I can't honestly imagine enjoying the view from the summit of Everest if I had to banish the thought and image of a dying man, gasping for oxygen from my recent memory. That's just my pragmatic reason for altruism -- guilt taints my ability to enjoy the thing I am working for if I was a bastard is acquiring it.
On a higher level, a metaphysical one if you will, it seems quite clear that the scaling of Everest is as much a symbolic effort one as a physical one. The irony of attempting to reach humanity's highest peak (literally) while being blind to all that one encounters on that journey is um.. gross (for lack of a better word, as I'm somewhat disturbed by this story). In other words, if in an effort to prove humanity's triumph over nature, you step over someone's dying body, methinks you've missed the boat.
Let's imagine the setting, shall we?
Guest: Wow! That's an amazing photo.
Mountaineer in Photo: Yes, that's me at the summit of Mount Everest.
Guest: That's incredible! You scaled the highest mountain in the world? I can't believe it! What a wonderful, triumphant, life-altering experience it must have been!
Mountaineer: Yes, it was.. Almost didn't make it though. This dying guy was blocking my path. Quite treacherous, had to like climb up around him.
Guest: Er.. Um, that photo sucks.
Some background:
I'm coming down off disc 2 of Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth, where he's interviewed by Bill Moyers, which I would say is a must-see for anyone who ponders things greater in scope than the daily crud offered up by the media.
Mr. Campbell can relate in great detail, the things common to all humans - the human experience - through the stories and mythologies of all sorts of cultures over the course of history. It's pretty amazing actually. His definition of a Hero (and the one that has been described countless times in countless myths) is one who without thinking would put his/her life on the line to save another life.
I think he'd be somewhat dismayed by this news story.
So more than 40 mountaineers attempting to summit Mount Everest passed by a guy who was in obvious distress; basically the man was dying. The passers-by were too focused/selfish/busy/"inexperienced" to aid the 34 year old and subsequently, he died.
Let me get this straight. I want to scale the highest mountain in the world, in one of the most spiritual places on the globe, and on my way I encounter someone who is in dire need of some human care. Call me "namby pamby", but I can't honestly imagine enjoying the view from the summit of Everest if I had to banish the thought and image of a dying man, gasping for oxygen from my recent memory. That's just my pragmatic reason for altruism -- guilt taints my ability to enjoy the thing I am working for if I was a bastard is acquiring it.
On a higher level, a metaphysical one if you will, it seems quite clear that the scaling of Everest is as much a symbolic effort one as a physical one. The irony of attempting to reach humanity's highest peak (literally) while being blind to all that one encounters on that journey is um.. gross (for lack of a better word, as I'm somewhat disturbed by this story). In other words, if in an effort to prove humanity's triumph over nature, you step over someone's dying body, methinks you've missed the boat.
Let's imagine the setting, shall we?
[Lights come up in a living room with a warm fireplace burning. On the mantle is a photo of a mountaineer, ice frozen into his face and beard, the Roof of the World in all its majestic glory spreads out down below in the background]
Guest: Wow! That's an amazing photo.
Mountaineer in Photo: Yes, that's me at the summit of Mount Everest.
Guest: That's incredible! You scaled the highest mountain in the world? I can't believe it! What a wonderful, triumphant, life-altering experience it must have been!
Mountaineer: Yes, it was.. Almost didn't make it though. This dying guy was blocking my path. Quite treacherous, had to like climb up around him.
Guest: Er.. Um, that photo sucks.
Some background:
I'm coming down off disc 2 of Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth, where he's interviewed by Bill Moyers, which I would say is a must-see for anyone who ponders things greater in scope than the daily crud offered up by the media.
Mr. Campbell can relate in great detail, the things common to all humans - the human experience - through the stories and mythologies of all sorts of cultures over the course of history. It's pretty amazing actually. His definition of a Hero (and the one that has been described countless times in countless myths) is one who without thinking would put his/her life on the line to save another life.
I think he'd be somewhat dismayed by this news story.
Thursday, May 25
Wednesday, May 24
Traitor Joe's
Quiz- Guess what contains the following:
Calories: 860
Calories from Fat: 480
Total Fat: 49g
Saturated Fat: 7g
polyunsaturated fat: 24g
monounnaturated fat: 15g
sodium: 1630g
......
If you said the vegetarian Trader Joe's Hummus & Tabouli Platter, you are correct.
Go treat yourself to a Big Mac, it's healthier.
Calories: 860
Calories from Fat: 480
Total Fat: 49g
Saturated Fat: 7g
polyunsaturated fat: 24g
monounnaturated fat: 15g
sodium: 1630g
......
If you said the vegetarian Trader Joe's Hummus & Tabouli Platter, you are correct.
Go treat yourself to a Big Mac, it's healthier.
Tuesday, May 23
Alter Ego Update
After making it to a later stage of adulthood, I died on the operating table having a bypass operation.
I was single and never finished college either.
What a bummer.
I hate that game.
I was single and never finished college either.
What a bummer.
I hate that game.
Monday, May 22
StumbleUpon Is My New Best Friend
Everything's so green...
No seriously, if you are similarly inclined towards the ADHD/hyperbrain end of the spectrum, and spend a decent amount of time in front of an unfettered high-bandwidth connection, than you seriously need to check it out. I've been jamming heaps of cool websites into my face when I should be making dinner.
From Howstuffworks, "80s Tech Revisited"
No seriously, if you are similarly inclined towards the ADHD/hyperbrain end of the spectrum, and spend a decent amount of time in front of an unfettered high-bandwidth connection, than you seriously need to check it out. I've been jamming heaps of cool websites into my face when I should be making dinner.
From Howstuffworks, "80s Tech Revisited"
Go Team! Fun Music & Links
Music: I'm loving this right now as well.. [mp3]
Wanna know what time it is? [animation]
Click here. Chillax.
Japanese shirt folding. The ultimate in ctrl-freakiness.
Wanna know what time it is? [animation]
Click here. Chillax.
Japanese shirt folding. The ultimate in ctrl-freakiness.
Whoa, I Just Blew My Internets Mind
I installed this firefox extension called StumbleUpon. It is, simply put, awesome.Since I've hit the new "Stumble!" button in my toolbar like 1 hour ago I have
- caused a 3D floating man to "dance" to the position of my mouse
- "painted" 70's retro tech images on some Italian site
- bookmarked a "Google Scraper", Scroogle cause Google is creepy
- Started playing some weird-ass "game" called Alter Ego that is basically a re-Choose Your Own Adventure with the storyline being Your Life.
- Watched countless YouTube videos, all of them worksafe and many of them funny.
- Designed a Warning Label
- encountered tons of like minded, cool-seeming people with good taste in websites
- freaked myself out and overloaded my brain
Sunday, May 21
My Neighbors Are Trash
It is 10.15am on a Sunday morning and the two
The next time you are sitting around with friends shooting the breeze, think for a moment, "What would people think if this conversation were being overheard?"
In other words, if you have to be an alcoholic idiot, you may want to do so in the privacy of your bedroom and not in a place where the entirety of your neighborhood serves as a witness.
The President Continues to Suck
- In the 'Do As I Say, Not as I Do' realm:
Bush wants immigrants who become American citizens to 'have a command of the English language'
- You Are Not Alone: Most American's Don't Like Bush (Personally) Anymore
- It's the 'Anymore' in the above headline that throws me.
At this point, I'd let my neighbor take Bush's job - and he's a racist idiot. (rimshot)
Friday, May 19
On A Somewhat Serious/Practical Note
I'm having a hell of a time finding (on the internets) any useful or concrete information about salaries in the new media field.
I guess that shouldn't really be a surprise, but I consider myself to be a solid researcher and usually find what I'm looking for so this frustrates me. I had an interview today at a seeminly promising company for a seemingly interesting/good job but I think I'm going to be lowballed monetarily and I really, really don't want that to happen so I'm trying to arm myself with information that supports my expectations.
Any suggestions would be genuinely appreciated. (and yes, I googled 8+ pages deep and yes, I hit salary.com, monster.com, yahoo!jobs.com, salaries.com, payscales.com, etc but they are ultimately useless. trust me.)
Feel free to pass this request along to anyone you might know as well.
Oh, and I'm a team player as well with a master's degree in the field.
I guess that shouldn't really be a surprise, but I consider myself to be a solid researcher and usually find what I'm looking for so this frustrates me. I had an interview today at a seeminly promising company for a seemingly interesting/good job but I think I'm going to be lowballed monetarily and I really, really don't want that to happen so I'm trying to arm myself with information that supports my expectations.
Any suggestions would be genuinely appreciated. (and yes, I googled 8+ pages deep and yes, I hit salary.com, monster.com, yahoo!jobs.com, salaries.com, payscales.com, etc but they are ultimately useless. trust me.)
Feel free to pass this request along to anyone you might know as well.
Oh, and I'm a team player as well with a master's degree in the field.
Thursday, May 18
Subtle
[link in title]
I particularly admire how the fabric minimizes her um..package (?).
I'm sorry for the above link. Really. Consider it a service and self-esteem booster.
The next time you are standing before a mirror, prior to an evening out, just recall Ice-T's "wife" in this outfit, and you shall immediately feel good about yourself.
I particularly admire how the fabric minimizes her um..package (?).
I'm sorry for the above link. Really. Consider it a service and self-esteem booster.
The next time you are standing before a mirror, prior to an evening out, just recall Ice-T's "wife" in this outfit, and you shall immediately feel good about yourself.
The Thigh's The Limit!
Whoo that was a funny title.. Lemme compose myself.The New York Times has yet again asked the hard question and explored the white-hot issue of men's swimwear. It seems that bathing suit lengths for adult men are receding. That's right -- bye bye boardshorts, hello thighs. And apparently this trend is none too soon in the coming:
Fashion watchers have been anticipating the change almost as closely as climatologists monitor sea levels.
See how serious this is?
From this watered down (haha, watered down, get it? Swim trunks? Watered down?) investigation, I'm left sure of one thing only: board shorts are for boys. Or men with skinny legs. Or Australians.
And they will come back into fashion eventually, because "fashion does come in waves."
Coming soon in NYT's Style Section: "White Tube Socks - Possibly Not Appropriate for Every Occasion."
Wednesday, May 17
Overheard in New York
I just got back from a trip visiting family & friends in New York; a good time overall, but the city itself seems to be slipping into somewhat of an economic (?) depression. Tons of stores were gone/closed/boarded up - particularly in my old work 'hood around NYU.
I guess I should be neither surprised nor dissappointed that Bang Bang couldn't make the rent.
In an effort to prolong the buzz from being back in NYC, I hit Overheard in New York today.
It's things like this that simultaneously make me laugh and love the city while hating it and needing to leave it:
I guess I should be neither surprised nor dissappointed that Bang Bang couldn't make the rent.
In an effort to prolong the buzz from being back in NYC, I hit Overheard in New York today.
It's things like this that simultaneously make me laugh and love the city while hating it and needing to leave it:
White girl #1: Look at that Asian girl! She's such a whore!White girl #2: Dude, there's this Asian girl in my psychology course, she's a whore, too.
An Asian girl: Excuse me? Um, what is your problem? What, do you think all Asians are whores?
A very long pause.
White girl #1: Yes.
--Madison Square Garden
Awesome! I'm Jan
You Are Jan Brady |
 Brainy and a little introverted, you tend to think life is a lot worse than it actually is. And while you may think you're a little goofy looking, most people consider you to be a major babe. |
Monday, May 8
"A Skinful of Winge"
That's a colorful phrase, innit guv'na?
Whatever. This is an interesting read filled with gobs of cool Brit slang - diary of a london cokehead.
[gegenüber Assistant/Atlas: Hollywood's Young Shoulders]
Whatever. This is an interesting read filled with gobs of cool Brit slang - diary of a london cokehead.
[gegenüber Assistant/Atlas: Hollywood's Young Shoulders]
ctrl-links
1. Chinese Propaganda Posters - scroll down and check out the "chubby babies" section. It's my favorite.2. Common Errors in English Usage - never again confuse the Immaculate Conception with the Virgin Birth; learn the diff between ensure/insure, etc.
Sunday, May 7
My Morning with a Dexter
Whew, it's the end of the weekend. Looking back at the last 2 posts, I see this undercurrent trend of 'bitter'. Gross. So for now, no more "Anne Coulter is an unintelligent but dangerous bitch" (that's for the search engines), no more depressing references to news on the sad state of our Nation. I don't want to be bitter. I want to be (relatively) carefree, happy, and funny. To that end, I put forth this recap of my Sunday morning, about which I was (naturally) originally pissed off and resentful about.
A friend texted me last night asking if she might be able to bribe me to babysit her son this morning while she interviewed a potential caretaker for him and his 6 month old sister - she just started a full-time job somewhat suddenly. I didn't want to get up early and drive out on a Sunday and there was no way she could repay me for this favor, but her husband is away working and she needs all the help she can get at this point as a virtual single mother of 2, so I agreed.
I spent the morning in the charge of a very personable 2.2 year old who brought me back down from the lofty heights of my Tower of (Abstract) Critical Thinking. We sat in the park while he had his snacks (well he actually ate only the HoneyBee Wheat Pretzels - completely ignoring the strawberries and 'gorp' - but I let it slide). It's funny, I expected him to be all active and kinetic, running around, climbing on things and dashing away from me, but he wasn't. He was still of body but not of mind. To put it mildly, he was in a 'inquisitive' mode.
He kept asking me "What's that man/woman/boy/girl/guy doing?" My typical response was "He's climbing a tree" or "He's riding a bike, you can see that". I think the little man was just happy to have some undivided attention showered on him and he took full advantage by asking me about anything that entered his field of vision, however obvious it may be.
"What's that boy on the bike doing?", he croaked.
"He's riding a bike," I replied half laughing, half annoyed.
"Do trees have blood?" he asked a short while later. [This was after we covered the fact that only humans and animals have muscles. Trees, I explained, have cellulose-walled cells and xylem and phloem for fluid transport. I furthermore likened "blood" in humans to the sap in trees...I know, riight? Snaps to me.]
"No it's more like juice, in trees," I answered, not really wanting to go into the whole sap thing.
Later when we were sitting near a concrete path (finishing the ample supply of HoneyBee Pretzels) he noticed an older guy nearby who was looking after a very adventurous, wide-eyed, little girl that was "driving" around on a plastic car. This gentleman looked a bit rough. Like Tony Soprano rough: leather jacket (suit jacket, that is), nylon track pants, running shoes, and sunglasses that were (IMO) a bit inappropriate for a children's playground but whatever, I have a half-assed mohawk.
"Who's that guy?", my wee companion asked.
"I don't know. He's just a guy," I shot back. "You're weird". I was getting brutally honest, but mainly because the dude my little pal was referring to was standing right in front of us and I'm not used to snarking about people so openly. Now understand, Mister Mobster can obviously hear us yet makes no facial expression to indicate this nor does he even turn his head to acknowledge that my little friend has made such a funny inquiry. In other words, he's a total iceman bastard - (unless he's a non English-speaking foreigner, I quickly counter in my conscience) - and I know he understand English because earlier I heard him speaking in English to the little girl he was looking after.
Dex picks up on the guy's shitty attitude and pushes the conversation.
"Is he mad?", he asks.
Awkward pause. "Um...Heh-heh, I hope not", I say a little too loud, repyling more to the guy than to my little compadre. You'd think at this point, the dude might crack a fucking smile or even give me one of those in-the-know sympathetic looks that parents/uncles give to each other when they cross paths, but no. Not Sammy the "Playground Bull" Grovano, he's a toughguy.
"Is he cute?!" The question echoes through the playground as the boy looks at me with a wry smile on his face, looking up from his pretzel stick. Now the guy's head snaps to us and he (finally) begins to passively participate in the conversation. I suddenly wish I or Mister Mobster were far, far away from this park.
"Well, um.. Ha.ha..Er..Well, I don't know, but it's very nice of you to think so and ask," is what spills out of my mouth. At this point Mr. Toughguy finds his voice.
"How old is he?" toughguy asks.
"Mmm, he's like 2," I answer. Thankful that he's cool, waiting for his followup comment that relieves some of the awkward tension of my young, male companion having basically pulled a 'hot-or-not?' within earshot.
Silence. Sound of birds chirping and me waiting. He walks away, moving on. We've been totally dissed.
I wish I had replied, "No Dexter, he's a fucking dog. And not the good kind."
But that would have been bitter now, wouldn't it?
A friend texted me last night asking if she might be able to bribe me to babysit her son this morning while she interviewed a potential caretaker for him and his 6 month old sister - she just started a full-time job somewhat suddenly. I didn't want to get up early and drive out on a Sunday and there was no way she could repay me for this favor, but her husband is away working and she needs all the help she can get at this point as a virtual single mother of 2, so I agreed.
I spent the morning in the charge of a very personable 2.2 year old who brought me back down from the lofty heights of my Tower of (Abstract) Critical Thinking. We sat in the park while he had his snacks (well he actually ate only the HoneyBee Wheat Pretzels - completely ignoring the strawberries and 'gorp' - but I let it slide). It's funny, I expected him to be all active and kinetic, running around, climbing on things and dashing away from me, but he wasn't. He was still of body but not of mind. To put it mildly, he was in a 'inquisitive' mode.
He kept asking me "What's that man/woman/boy/girl/guy doing?" My typical response was "He's climbing a tree" or "He's riding a bike, you can see that". I think the little man was just happy to have some undivided attention showered on him and he took full advantage by asking me about anything that entered his field of vision, however obvious it may be.
"What's that boy on the bike doing?", he croaked.
"He's riding a bike," I replied half laughing, half annoyed.
"Do trees have blood?" he asked a short while later. [This was after we covered the fact that only humans and animals have muscles. Trees, I explained, have cellulose-walled cells and xylem and phloem for fluid transport. I furthermore likened "blood" in humans to the sap in trees...I know, riight? Snaps to me.]
"No it's more like juice, in trees," I answered, not really wanting to go into the whole sap thing.
Later when we were sitting near a concrete path (finishing the ample supply of HoneyBee Pretzels) he noticed an older guy nearby who was looking after a very adventurous, wide-eyed, little girl that was "driving" around on a plastic car. This gentleman looked a bit rough. Like Tony Soprano rough: leather jacket (suit jacket, that is), nylon track pants, running shoes, and sunglasses that were (IMO) a bit inappropriate for a children's playground but whatever, I have a half-assed mohawk.
"Who's that guy?", my wee companion asked.
"I don't know. He's just a guy," I shot back. "You're weird". I was getting brutally honest, but mainly because the dude my little pal was referring to was standing right in front of us and I'm not used to snarking about people so openly. Now understand, Mister Mobster can obviously hear us yet makes no facial expression to indicate this nor does he even turn his head to acknowledge that my little friend has made such a funny inquiry. In other words, he's a total iceman bastard - (unless he's a non English-speaking foreigner, I quickly counter in my conscience) - and I know he understand English because earlier I heard him speaking in English to the little girl he was looking after.
Dex picks up on the guy's shitty attitude and pushes the conversation.
"Is he mad?", he asks.
Awkward pause. "Um...Heh-heh, I hope not", I say a little too loud, repyling more to the guy than to my little compadre. You'd think at this point, the dude might crack a fucking smile or even give me one of those in-the-know sympathetic looks that parents/uncles give to each other when they cross paths, but no. Not Sammy the "Playground Bull" Grovano, he's a toughguy.
"Is he cute?!" The question echoes through the playground as the boy looks at me with a wry smile on his face, looking up from his pretzel stick. Now the guy's head snaps to us and he (finally) begins to passively participate in the conversation. I suddenly wish I or Mister Mobster were far, far away from this park.
"Well, um.. Ha.ha..Er..Well, I don't know, but it's very nice of you to think so and ask," is what spills out of my mouth. At this point Mr. Toughguy finds his voice.
"How old is he?" toughguy asks.
"Mmm, he's like 2," I answer. Thankful that he's cool, waiting for his followup comment that relieves some of the awkward tension of my young, male companion having basically pulled a 'hot-or-not?' within earshot.
Silence. Sound of birds chirping and me waiting. He walks away, moving on. We've been totally dissed.
I wish I had replied, "No Dexter, he's a fucking dog. And not the good kind."
But that would have been bitter now, wouldn't it?
Thursday, May 4
Yeah, And Most Christian Couples Don't Use Birth Control
This is either 100% false or I'm losing the plot here.
Fox, BBC, Al Jazeera most trusted: poll
Results of a poll of more than 10,000 adults in 10 countries by the British Broadcasting Corporation, Reuters Group Plc and The Media Center were released on Wednesday, with an additional finding that media worldwide were trusted by an average of 61 percent of respondents compared with 52 percent who said they trusted their governments.
...
Asked to name the news source they most trusted, without any prompting, 59 percent of Egyptians said Al Jazeera, 52 percent of Brazilians said Rede Globo, 32 percent of Britons said the BBC, 22 percent of Germans said ARD and 11 percent of Americans said Fox News, each leading their respective nations.
Wednesday, May 3
Mm, How Can I Put This Delicately?
MAKING A BABY IS NOT AN ACHIEVEMENT.
I mean, it's certainly an exciting phenomenon, and rife with possibilities for all the parties involved, but in and of itself, procreating is not an accomplishment. A few cases in point:
Or the recently announced
have all proven that just about anything can yield crotchfruit.
Being a good parent over the long haul, that is an accomplishment.
So to all y'all out there who think that getting knocked up is ipso facto something I should admire you for, sorry. Call me when the kid's 18, well-adjusted, happy with his/herself, and making the world a brighter place.
How boring and embarrassing it is to hear about uninteresting people who think that conception/gestation makes them otherwise.
I mean, it's certainly an exciting phenomenon, and rife with possibilities for all the parties involved, but in and of itself, procreating is not an accomplishment. A few cases in point:
Or the recently announced
have all proven that just about anything can yield crotchfruit.Being a good parent over the long haul, that is an accomplishment.
So to all y'all out there who think that getting knocked up is ipso facto something I should admire you for, sorry. Call me when the kid's 18, well-adjusted, happy with his/herself, and making the world a brighter place.
How boring and embarrassing it is to hear about uninteresting people who think that conception/gestation makes them otherwise.
Tuesday, May 2
Choatally Laughing
I've said it before, I'll say it again.
Funny people are hysterical.
And she's cute too.
[I hit 'You Can't Make It Up' again after a surreptitious visit to "The Saddest Thing I Own" site again.. Turns out it was made by people who I went to school with. Fucking Go Getters...]
Funny people are hysterical.
And she's cute too.
[I hit 'You Can't Make It Up' again after a surreptitious visit to "The Saddest Thing I Own" site again.. Turns out it was made by people who I went to school with. Fucking Go Getters...]
Quiz: What time is it? A: Tooth-Hurty
I just had one of the more unnerving dental appointments to date. I was scheduled to have a temporary tooth-piece replaced with a permanent piece that was being grown in a lab (kid thee not.) Yes, yes, I know that 'tooth-piece' is euphemistic for 'crown', but the latter sounds horribly old and gross so I'm going with tooth-piece. Anywaaay, the very nice dental assistant woman I've become chatty with during my many visits was to be responsible for dislodging (?) the temporary and prepping the area. Sounds simple enough, right?
Wrong.
First she went in with a pliers/scissors hybrid and attempted to wrench by wiggling the temporary from its home. After a couple minutes of these unsuccessful attempts, she moved to my favorite dental implement, the little metal pick. She picked at the edges of the thing (conveniently located .2mm below my gumline), again to no avail.
"Have you ever eaten a Jujube?" she asked.
Panicking, thinking she's accusing me of more oral negligence I blurt out "No! I swear!"
"Well we're going to use this stuff that's just like a Jujube. I'm going to put this piece in your mouth, ask you to bite down on it and hold for a couple seconds, then when I say, I need you to open you jaw really quickly and it will pull it out."
She comes at me with a very cool cyber-blue cube of gelatinous material.
"This might be warm, but that's to soften it so it sticks to your tooth", she explained as she placed the dental candy object on the offending tooth. "Now bite into it slowly and fully."
I complied and it was exactly as she said -- like an oversized, warm Jujube. I felt my tooth sink into it as the cube squashed, wrapping itself around the tooth and its neighbors above. I clenched my jaw as instructed, then when she started counting I actually placed my closed fists against my jaw.
"1...2...3!" she commanded.
I wrenched my jaw open, heard a disgusting noise, and watched her pull the now-squashed cube out of my mouth with the jagged piece of fake tooth stuck in it. It was pretty wild, lemme tell you.
I will never eat candy again.
And the dental assistant is going to add me "to her prayers" so that I may quit smoking. Isn't that cute?
Wrong.
First she went in with a pliers/scissors hybrid and attempted to wrench by wiggling the temporary from its home. After a couple minutes of these unsuccessful attempts, she moved to my
"Have you ever eaten a Jujube?" she asked.
Panicking, thinking she's accusing me of more oral negligence I blurt out "No! I swear!"
"Well we're going to use this stuff that's just like a Jujube. I'm going to put this piece in your mouth, ask you to bite down on it and hold for a couple seconds, then when I say, I need you to open you jaw really quickly and it will pull it out."
She comes at me with a very cool cyber-blue cube of gelatinous material.
"This might be warm, but that's to soften it so it sticks to your tooth", she explained as she placed the dental candy object on the offending tooth. "Now bite into it slowly and fully."
I complied and it was exactly as she said -- like an oversized, warm Jujube. I felt my tooth sink into it as the cube squashed, wrapping itself around the tooth and its neighbors above. I clenched my jaw as instructed, then when she started counting I actually placed my closed fists against my jaw.
"1...2...3!" she commanded.
I wrenched my jaw open, heard a disgusting noise, and watched her pull the now-squashed cube out of my mouth with the jagged piece of fake tooth stuck in it. It was pretty wild, lemme tell you.
I will never eat candy again.
And the dental assistant is going to add me "to her prayers" so that I may quit smoking. Isn't that cute?
Monday, May 1
My Sleeping Pose, Numb Arms
I've been meaning to cover this for a while now. I just took the sleeping pose quiz and it was pretty accurate, I must say. The Tandem Pose it is. Here's my problem though. Look closely at the illustration. Here, I'll even retrieve it for you:
Notice the figure to the left. WHERE IS HER LEFT ARM? Lately, whenever I sleep on my side I seem to have a problem with what to do with the shoulder and arm that is on the bottom. I don't know what I've been doing the past thirty-something years with that arm, but recently I've been waking up with numbness and/or extreme stiffness. Sleeping on my back has proven a moderate solution, but that pose doesn't offer the extreme comfort that lying on my side with a pillow wedged between my knees does.
And advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Notice the figure to the left. WHERE IS HER LEFT ARM? Lately, whenever I sleep on my side I seem to have a problem with what to do with the shoulder and arm that is on the bottom. I don't know what I've been doing the past thirty-something years with that arm, but recently I've been waking up with numbness and/or extreme stiffness. Sleeping on my back has proven a moderate solution, but that pose doesn't offer the extreme comfort that lying on my side with a pillow wedged between my knees does.And advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thank You, Stephen Colbert & The Mainstream Media is Pathetic
By now, hopefully you've heard that the dearly beloved Stephen Colbert spoke at the White House Correspondent Dinner this past Saturday - but you probably had to dig through the internets to find that out because the mainstream media (NYTs I'm talking about you) decided it was not newsworthy. In any event, Mr. Colbert spoke sarcastically but with heaps of truthiness.Apparently, George W. & his wife managed to grasp what was going on somewhere halfway into the bit and were unamused, to put it mildly.
Check out the overwhelming response his words have generated in the form of a blog entitled "Thank You Stephen Colbert". What's amazing is the number of people who have posted a thank you. At the time of this post, they number 10562, and I am certain that number will continue to grow.
I would have paid in blood plasma to see the look on Anne Coulter's scary face during the speech.
Maybe this is a sign that the tide is turning. (This certainly balances the feelings evoked from the post below.)
The Saddest Website Ever
This site makes Post Secret seem light and funny. I've been reading it for an hour now.
Reading how many people are sad and the depth of their sadness is depressing.
---
I just finished reading all the entries. The first one is by the site's author and is about a ring he removed from his mother before she went into surgery. It's a very moving entry. When I reloaded the home page, there was a new entry that wasn't there when I began reading the posts. It's a photo of 2 guys, one of whom killed himself.
I have 2 items I would consider posting entries about but I'm too sad to do it right now.
