If You Could Smell My Blog

Christmas came and went, New York was a nice time.
Santa's theme for me this year was 'Lux'. Now I smell really good.
I'd do me.

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Slamming into Christmas

I'm off to a holiday party I totally forgot about until about 2 hours ago. Got me haircut and am looking better then usual.
I wonder when I'm going to get to start shopping.

Seriously.

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Token Post Detailing a Shitty Monday

We've all been there, I've got nothing special here folks, so I'll just powerpoint the mess. A veritable checklist of sorts to ensure one's Monday rots:

• Wake up inappropriately hungover
• Remember personal trainer appointment made last week for 6.45am
• Drive to personal training appointment and ask yourself, "Am I still drunk.. What day is today?"
• Suffer through 60 minutes of plyometric conditioning
• Get stuck in traffic trying to dash home to shower for work
• Bring "breakfast" (protein powder mixed into yogurt with banana, blueberries, frozen mango) into the bathroom to chug while showering.
• Proceed to spill "breakfast" all over dresser top, portable DVD player, and DirectTV box
• Dash out to car to find it blocked by neighbor who pulled in behind me
• Try to schedule an afternoon of interviews with candidate you found through extensive (and embarrassing) digging through personal social networks (and clever thinking) for sometime later in the week, only to find out (via email) that said candidate is already scheduled for a day of interviews Wednesday with another group in the office.
• Work till 6pm; drive home and pull up to a block completely without power. TOTAL BLACKOUT.
• Find flashlight.
• Notice that across the street, the grid is on, obscene amounts of Christmas lights support this suspicion.
• Call Southern California Edison (Power company).
• Select 1 from the voice-menu to obtain an outage status report.
• Learn from recorded female voice that no outages have been reported.
• Select 2 to report an outage.
• Get connected with a human who inquires how she might be able to provide me with "excellent service this evening"
• Reply "Well, you could get my power back on! Haha!".
• Listen to silence.
• Become informed that, along with 13,000 other paying customers, power is out due to "squirrels".
• Proceed to give all personal information -- address, name, cell phone #.
• End call.*
• Begin yelling to BF about how that wasn't "excellent fucking service at all" since the expected amount of time till repair wasn't reported and the reasons are both lame and (fucking) necessary and that even GLOBAL THERMONUCLEAR WAR as the cause wouldn't help at all, continue cursing.
• Blanche as the cellphone crackes (in the dark), "Hello, I'm still on the line"
• Worry that power station customer service rep. will proceed to post on her blog an .mp3 of the recorded phone call, along with my name and telephone number, filing the post under "Total Asshole"
• Have mother call on cell just as the power goes back on, asking "How was your Monday?"

[End Scene]

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HyperConscious

Working again has, among other things, caused my brain to return to the state of being constantly "on" -- once again I find myself being extremely analytic and perhaps over-processing the things that come into my head.

My patience outside of work is shorter as a result. Which kind of sucks. People I speak with, drivers on the road, pedestrians crossing the street -- they do everything too slow.

I should hire a prostitute.
LOL. Kidding, I'm kidding. (I don't have the time.)

But more importantly, what's going on in the world out there? And I'm talking Lindney Spears-han wise. Not war stuff.

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Existential Angst Encapsulated in Chatspace

Working title - "Is There Anybody Out There?"

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120 Minutes of My Life I'll Never Get Back

With starting the new job, I was informed by my HR representative that I had 60 days to complete a recently mandated online course in Sexual Harassment. The thing was set up such that one had to spend 120 minutes taking the course, completing it in less time would result in..I dunno..a tear in the space/time continuum or something. Actually it meant you wouldn't be able to print out the certificate trumpeting one's wisdom and knowledge (and total repudiation) of Sexual Harassment in the workplace.

A colleague of mine went the extra mile and compiled this wonderful and moving document which he emailed to me upon day's end. All of the following were actually and seriously in the 'training' and do not reflect the opinions of this author. No embellishments have been added.

SEXUAL HARASSMENT TRAINING GREATEST HITS:

• Some actions like grabbing a colleague’s genitals, when no intimate relationship exists, are so offensive that they are presumed unwelcome.

• As they finish locking up, Heather pushes Antonio against the wall, kisses him and grabs his crotch. Shocked, Antonio pulls away and runs away from her. Does this conduct count as severe?
  

• Along with groping, viewing pornography and giving backrubs, it is also inappropriate to touch or spank your colleagues, either using your hand or an object. This is true even if the conduct is done in jest.

• A nurse was sexually harassed by an 84-year-old patient recovering from penile implant surgery. The patient hounded the nurse for sex and lied to others that they had slept together at a Motel 6. … [T]he harassment continued with the patient trying to run the nurse down in his electric scooter!

• "He has quite a personality! He always signs his emails with something risqué, like: 'Squeezes to ya, babe. Kiss kiss, the F-man.' Everyone in the department is calling him the 'e-mauler'!"

• Joyce recently sent an email asking her employees to rate the top three female celebrities they would "do" if they were lesbians.
  

• Anthony is having lunch when a supervisor from another department, Roger, comes up to him with a big grin. Roger says, "Hey, Anthony, you didn’t tell me about that girl-on-girl action going on in your department! That was hot!"

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I am Going to Try Very Hard

to not have this webspace become a repository of work-related horror stories, critiques, or complaints.

But I can't promise anything at this early stage.

Bear with me.
:(

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Monday Morning, 9am "Meetings"

with your new "supervisor" who was out of the office the second half of your first week on the job are bullshit.

But what do I know? I'm just the asshole who works here.

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Good Times

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Separated At Birth?

Am I the only one who thinks that Zac Effron, "star" of whatever High School Musical is, bears an uncanny resemblance to a sleestak?

See for yourself:

"It boi" Effron

Enik, from Land of the Lost

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The Morning After

I began a new job yesterday. My 9am meeting with HR was less painful then I anticipated (good). But I have 2 spend 2 days next week downtown at "corporate" for the mega-marathon of benefits and "worklife" seminars (bad). Those are the days where you are sitting with everyone else hired by the monolithic organization and watch video tapes about POS plans and 401K options.
But you have to love it when the head of HR snickers as he tells you that about the mandatory 2-hour online course on Sexual Harassment in the workplace. Or when, as an afterthought he slides you a document and mumbles, "oh yeah and here's the Drug Free thing...." as it were the most useless application of ink to paper ever.

I will say, the place is tight. My office was waiting for me (!) absolutely stripped bare but within an hour, I had a brand new phone installed with working #'s, a decent MacBookPro to toodle with, and a very comfy and highly adjustable deskchair to play with for the greater part of the hour. IT came by (more on them later) and showered me with the appropriate amount of derision and pity that is to be expected while they sorted me out with my email account, telcom stuff, computing requirements, etc. Oh, and unless you see someone standing naked, you can never be sure what their gender is. Proceed with caution when using 3rd person pronouns.

I have decided for this latest chapter of my employed life (sooo messed up), I'm going to be channeling 1 part Franklin Hart*, 1 part Pam from the Office (although I desperately want to walk around acting like Angela), and 1 part Jason Bourne. In all seriousness, I've landed a very decent gig and I'm quite fortunate and pleased to be working there. The pay is good, the people are smart, the work is interesting, there is a gym on site, and I may very well be able to ride a bike to work during the spring/summer months.

Some observations from a formerly retired young(ish) man:

1. Start a new job on a Friday. Trust me on this. Just do it.
   
2. There seems to be a law of physics manifest in an office between the hours from 2.30 - 4.30pm where time seems to stand still. I learned that this is a good time to sneak peeks at your coworkers iTunes Shared libraries over the network.
3. Working a regular (>40 hrs/wk) job is going to wreak havoc on my fitness and nutritional accomplishments. Case in point: I haven't worked out since Wednesday AND I ate a "burrito" for lunch yesterday with my colleagues [shudder]. Cut to me in 6 months driving one of those fatty-scooters into the building as my pendulous manbreasts slap against my abdomen. ew.
4. Starting a new job at 36 beats the hell out of starting a new job at say, 24. The latter is an idiot aside from being the noob on site regardless, where the former has been around the block long enough to figure most things out on his/her own and can walk in confidently with experience to assess whether the new environ is up to snuff.
5. I need music in my office. That is all.
6. I need a vacation.
   

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It's been a crazy busy week (omfg I saw Tegan & Sara perform Wed) and this post is all over the place but that's cause it's the wee hours Sat morning. I got home from work at like 6.30 !!>:(
last night and proceeded to knock back a couple glasses of champy before enjoying fine wines with (and after) dinner.


*If you don't get this reference, you are too young to be reading this. Go catch up on your classics.

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On the Up & Up

I start my new job on Friday morning. At 9am. Meeting with HR. (gag)

But not before I ride the Pacific Surfliner from Union Station in LA to Santa Barbara to SEE TEGAN & SARA, bitches!!

That's right. I shall be enjoying the show tomorrow night in Santa Barbara, which apparently is quite the place on Halloween. Whatever.

Then I sell a piece of my soul and begin regular, contracted employment on Friday.
Then it's Saturday.

Well played, ctrl-freak. Well played.

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Mission :: Accomplished :: Employment Secured

Things have picked up quite a bit over the past couple of weeks. I began cutting down/quitting smoking which resulted in increased exercise. I also got word that I got the job I've been pining for for some time now, so lots of change afoot. I was offered more then the position posted, and found out that I came in under the wire to beat out the candidate(s) that had essentially been selected. This has been one instance where patience has paid off for me. (Read: this is one of the rare instances where I have displayed patience, only to find it be rewarded.)

I got this in the mail and assembled it. (Well, my stoner neighbor assembled the second half of it while I washed dishes and prepped dinner). It's funny -- now I have 2 synthetic, but reusable holiday decorations: a blow-up Christmas tree and a Lego pumpkin. What does this mean? I also think I am hosting a pumpkin carving mashup on Sunday. Need to pull that together.

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Music :: I Love Tegan & Sara

Initially, for their hair.

Now it's because every single track on their album, "The Con" is good. Very good. I want to go out and get sleazy mullet so bad but I went and got this legit job so it might be a bad idea.

Seriously, this is a good album. And these girls are hot.

Update: Just found out I have tickets to their show up in Santa Barbara, the night before I am supposed to start my new job. Ruh-roh.

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Music :: What I'm Currently Abusing

The Editors, Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors

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When Awesomeness Implodes Upon Itself

This show, along with Wonderama, was awesome. Sunday morning fare.

Proof:

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Employment :: The Saga Continues Yet

Hm. I just got (and responded to) an email from the place I've now had 3 different interviews with, asking if I would be available tomorrow morning for a phone call.

I replied in the affirmative.

What does this mean? It's so mysterious. I need a Scooby Snack.

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Employment :: Ongoing Saga

After seeing Blade Runner: Final Cut this morning in a super pimped movie theater in Westwood (? like I even know what that means or where it is), I went to this weird, old-school burger joint, Apple Pan's for lunch. It was then that I checked my missed calls and voice mail. It seems I missed a call the day before from someone at the place I've already interviewed TWICE with for a job. I already had a phone interview with the caller weeks back when I was in for an afternoon of marathon interviews with random people. He was out of state that day but we did speak for a good 20 minutes on the phone.

I assumed that since it was he calling, I was going to be told that unfortunately" they would be going 'with someone else' or that they opted to 'take a pass' or whatever and the woman with whom I had met twice already relegated this guy (who had never met me) to deliver the bad news.

Wrong.

It turns out that he was in town for the weekend (an ever increasing rarity) and wanted to know if I might be able to drop in and meet during the weekend. I told him I'd call him back after checking with my assorted weekend obligations. Precisely 17 minutes later, I called him to say I could swing by in just a little over an hour. I proceed to change my clothing and "refresh" (which in this instance required a complete head-under-shower hair restyle) then jumped in das Auto and headed out.

I'm somewhat confused. ["What would I say is my greatest weakness with regard to my professional life, Tom*? Haha, well I'm glad you asked. That's easy: I work too hard."]

Does this mean I'm going to get an offer or that they want to make sure that they are going to decline the right candidate (me)?

Any information you may be able to provide would be most appreciated. Have a nice day and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best Regards,
ctrl-freak

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It's Official :: I Need a Permit

For mah guns.

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All Time Best Movie Moments Ever

Meet Hannibal Chew. He just does eyes.

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Can't. Stop. Must. Improve.

[test your reflexes]
I can't beat .281

And believe me, I've tried. A lot.
Using my left hand even.

Send help.

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Tonight's iTunes Purchase :: Cazwell "Watch My Mouth"

Fun.

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Station Identification

It's not as if this is actually read by anyone, yet I still feel compelled to broadcast that I am feeling somewhat out of sorts. Season's changing, my mind's churning, blahblahblah.

This made me unbelievably sad. [Aging and Gay, and Facing Prejudice in Twilight, NYT]
Here's the deal: if I find myself in a position where I'm spending my "twilight" days (gagging at the euphemism) worrying about taking shit from a bunch of toothless demented bastard "peers" for being gay, I'll whip out some serious ninja skills and turn the place into a scene from Kill Bill.

Tomorrow morning I am going to investigate venues for me to volunteer my time/skills to the community of senior men and women who happen to also be homosexual. Any advice, suggestions, or information would be greatly appreciated.

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Can Someone Please Explain This to Me?

Crowd swipes dying man's groceries
MESA, Ariz., Oct. 3 (UPI)

Cause..yeah. I really do not understand this. At all.

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Memoirs of a Ctrl-Freak

My week is pretty free-formed at this point. I'm waiting to hear about a possible job prospect so...I'm trying to keep myself busy. I'm also trying to quit smoking cigarettes. I went for a long, hot run in the sun this morning. Here's where I ran to:

View Larger Map

Then, in an effort to keep busy, I spent the better part of 20 minutes putting these socks on this morning:
I got a pumpkin today, in anticipation of carving atrocities that will be committed in the spirit of Halloween. Don't have a sense of the pattern yet though. I've been toying with the idea of non-penetrative carving (!) this season. Like only shaving down the skin with an exacto and sculpting loop, you know?

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Stencil :: Street

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Freestyle Flashback

Lady Tigra is back. Welcome back, Lady Tigra.
Personally, I enjoyed 'Supersonic' the most, but here's a tip 'o the hat to your white-hot hit single which established you...as awesome.

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Old ID

Cause Daddy's Tired and This is Funny

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Music

I got bit by the iTunes bug and bought all this new music:

• Metric,
  
• Go! Team
• Shiny Toy Guns

Complete albums. No 99¢ per song bullshit. Look for selected tracks to be served up soon.

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Portland Hometown Heroes :: Swan Island :: Crumble

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Self Discovery :: Redux & Paradox Compel Me

So I was enjoying an old post of mine (a mental masturbation, if you will.. ED: gross) when I had a moment of clarity:
Many of the things that catch my mind/eye are things that are not necessarily primary-source original, but rather re-interpretations of things already popular or 'out there' in culture. Put another way: I don't feel it necessary to try to inject my own idea, opinion, position, or message on the world. I have my own private, internal sphere for that stuff to thrive; I do however, enjoy the re-processing of that which has been accepted by the popular culture (whatever it may be). I believe this is why I appreciate the Japanese (and German) to a certain extent, and also my peculiar position as a facilitator/designer/artist/researcher.

It may also explain why I enjoy the idea of IronMen hugging, or nerds triumphing, and atheists laughing last.

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Hot, If Not Derivative Commercial

So I'm sitting on the couch and this commercial comes on where some hot model type chick standing on a NYC subway platform gets "cut" by a dude exiting the train as he flips open his phone and it grazes model chick's dress. A battle ensues a lá Animatrix but in live action. The accompanying soundtrack is compelling as well. The spot is for a Motorola phone and the track isn't new (Shiny Toy Guns - Le Disko) but it's good.

Click here to view the ad. [via Adweek].

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Solitude

I've been on my own for the past 36 hours. That is ending in about 15 minutes.
In that time, I've been productive and contemplative. I've also read a shitload of garbage (Gawker, Jezebel, Reddit, Stumble, etc.).

What was the point of this post? (Solitude allows the mind to wander mad, yo).
Oh yes, this professor of Computer Science at Carnegie Mellon University gave his last lecture as he has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer.

It's an interesting read. I can't help but find it somewhat sad.
CMU professor gives his last lesson on life [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

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My Friends Are Throwing Me a Suprise Party

Well, they're calling it an "intervention" but whatever...

-Comedy & Magic Club, Hermosa Beach

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Buffalo Bill - You Got Competition

(Although, this individual strikes me as one who wouldn't want to part with his lotion, unlike Bill.)
Please, please watch this video all the way through. It's...worth it.

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I Couldn't Have Said It Better

alternate title: "WTF?!"

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The WTC Follows Me Wherever I Go It Seems

Yeah, that's "save" that's chalked onto the beam.

Currently, a public installation/memorial is being installed in my town for 9-11. The piece contains 2 large rusted, crunked girders from the World Trade Center in New York. When I first walked by it during the day and slowly realized what I was looking at I got completely freaked out. As I walked away from it, though I started to smile.

"Good to see you again," I thought to myself. "Funny you should retire to this seaside town with a view of the ocean, too."

I used to walk past the exact same structural supports down in Battery Park when I went to visit my friend who lived across the street. She's since died.

There's a scheduled unveiling whatever this Tuesday in the morning. I think I will make a point of walking down and checking it out. Fuck you terrorists and you too Mister President.

###
On a lighter note:

Me: Knock, knock.
You: Who's there?
Me: 9-11.
You: 9-11 who?




Me: YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!

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Update :: Kylie Kwong, Fresno Peppers, Baby Bok Choy

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I'm Officially an Art Collector

Yeah, I'm watching gymnastics while I hang my art, so?

The glare makes this photo pretty useless, but the pieces are ink & charcoal on wood veneer.

"Burgeon" & "Periphery" are in the process of being installed over the fireplace.
Artist :: Leslie Yagar.

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Why I Never Get Anything Done

This is totally ganked from the web. I'm sorry I can't cite the source.

Pegasus Fossil

click to view full size

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Strange Sight

This morning while having coffee on my (increasingly dilapidated) balcony, I observed a decent sized crow alight on top of a utility pole with an entire slice of whole wheat bread in its beak.

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She Looks Like a 60's Superhero Who Fights Bummers

I know Vice (magazine) is a total joke for the most part, but for complex, deep-seated reasons beyond the scope of this post, I find the Do/Don't pictures like crack. [NSFW often]

Can't. Stop. Clicking. Next.

The captions are often pretty good too. For example.

Or this one.

But then I started reading the comments below the pictures and it slowly dawned on me that the assholes who write the captions are a) totally gross themselves b) homophobic to a point that's embarrassing and c) perhaps being über-meta-ironic. I started to look at each "Do" as an actual "Don't" (and vice-versa). (Go on, try it.) Now I don't know what to think. Perhaps the lesson is to just drop all the critique and quest for 'cool' and just chill.

Then my brain folded in on itself.

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Euphemisms :: Sometimes They Make One Look Unsmart

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A Dater Miner's Dream :: Damn You, Kylie Kwong

So I caught an episode of some random cooking program with an Australian Chinese woman, Kylie Kwong on HGTV (I think). This led to me foraging the wilds of Amazon drunk ordering 2 of her books (one is on pre-order, thanks). So after receiving the first book, "Simple Chinese Cooking" (about which, NOTHING is simple), I plopped into my scorched car and drove to the deep heart of Torrance to my awesome Chinese SuperMarket, Ranch 99 to purchase things exotic, like Sze Chuan peppercorns, fermented black beans, and Blue Pagoda cooking wine. Tonight I'z attempting shrimp wontons, braised baby bok-choy, and chicken marinated in a whole bunch of stuff.

My initial take on Ms. Kwong:: anal retentive as hell but cuts vegetables on a mean diagonal.
If I get my act together, I may very well post pictures.

Oh and at Ranch99, besides the tanks of fresh living seafood (hello crayfish!) and the aisle of assorted "fermented" (read: rotting) vegetables, the cute infants being carted around by young Chinese couples shopping are ADORABLE.

**Update: The fact that I've envangelized Ms. Kwong to a fellow foodie friend via a blog post proves the post's title was aptly chosen.

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Summer Nostalgic

I can't quite explain it, but looking through this photo set left me feeling incredibly...wistful.

varones flickr photo from Summer of Love (set)

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My New Look

given the recent heatwave that has been scorching southern California lately, is awesome:
socks & sneakers, with underwear. That's it.

Turns heads I tell you.

It was surprisingly difficult to find an illustrative image. This is the closest I came.

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The End of Summer, Don't Think So

Yeah, so Labor Day. I labored quite intensely
-- TO REJOOV MAH TAN. lol

Not but seriously, it is hot and sunny here at the beach. There was not a breath of wind to be felt, which allowed for the rare blanket of humidity to hang. I was sweating like a fat kid at a cannibal camp...just laying there on the sand. The ocean was colder today then yesterday but it was most welcome. I also seem to have perfected the delicate art of the swimming shorts/functional under-support combo.

Now I'm home, freshly showered. At the end of a nice hot sunburnt summer day, when I get home and showered, hair combed wet I always think of the book L’Étranger by Camus. (Before things go to hell, I mean with the headaches and the blinding sun and the knife fight). When Meursalt recounts his day at the beach and the late afternoon back in his room with Marie.

And it's only Sunday.

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Cause Magnum PR Was Uncomfortable With the "My New Tattoo" Post Loading Above The Fold

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Royksopp - Remind Me

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I Finally Did It :: My First Tattoo

Whaddya think?

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Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening

as a limerick:

Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening

There once was a horse-riding chap
Who took a trip in a cold snap
He stopped in the snow
But he soon had to go:
He was miles away from a nap.

[via Bad Gods]

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This Should Go Without Saying

Besides the obvious reasons, do yourself a favor and do not shop at TJ Maxx.
Not because of the obscene use of the double "xx". Not because the wares are sub-ghetto.

Because they mess with your credit/debit card after you make lame purchases of shitty socks and underware.

I'm just sayin'.

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Classic

I was bored and feeling somewhat down this morning for a bunch o' reasons but this cheered me up.

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Proof Positive the Government Lies & Gets Off on Instilling Fear

TSA knew 'dry run' terror alerts were bogus [via Raw Story]

The Transportation Security Agency's national security bulletin issued was based on bogus examples that were combined to give the impression of ominous terrorist plotting, CNN reports.

"That bulletin for law enforcement eyes only told of suspicious items recently found in passenger's bags at airport checkpoints, warned that they may signify dry runs for terrorist attacks," CNN's Brian Todd reported Friday afternoon. "Well it turns out none of that is true."

So let's see -- American's denied/delayed/unreasonably searched/forced to travel without adequate moisturizer: check. False terror alerts issued through major media outlets: check.

Thanks government! You're doing a hell of a job fighting the terrorists! We're really kicking ass in this War on Terrorism®.

Update: Haha, I couldn't even get through my morning coffee without bumping into another example of how fucked up the government has gotten with regard to paranoia, travel & "terrorism":

The Bush Administration recently demanded that air carriers collect broad personal information, including a traveler's sexual orientation, by threatening to turn planes away from Europe, and the European Union caved in.

... If you think I'm being alarmist, ask yourself why the government would be collecting information about someone's sexual orientation if they had no intention of ever using it.

Good times, I tell you.. Good times.

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Owch!

How Madison Avenue Is Wasting Millions on a Deserted Second Life [Wired]
I don't know if "wasting millions" is how I'd describe corporate investments/entry into Second Life. I mean, hell, they "waste" millions on advertising too..

My avatar in a t-shirt designed by moi, bunnies sold separately

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Tastes I've Aquired

Wow. I was surprised to see how many foods I consider to be my "favorite" are on this list. A 'century egg' I'll give you that..But, Lapsang Souchang? Really? Is it that difficult to enjoy? Capers? Kimchi? I feel gastronomically out of touch.

List of acquired tastes, From Wikipedia

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Mii

This isn't entirely accurate a depiction. In reality my hair is darker.
Oh, and I have prehensile digits and opposable thumbs.

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Wow. My Ringtone Matches the Music Clip That Plays on MySpace Page

How...moderne.

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summer 2007

If you look closely (aka click to enlarge) it looks like i'm strumming the power lines)

self portrait

Open Letter to the Person Who Took My Watch Just Now at the Gym

Dear Scumbag,

Thanks for appropriating that nice silver Tag Heur men's sportswatch that you found on elliptical machine #1, you complete and utter piece of shit. Not only was that watch a dear gift to me from a loved one, it was also the last "nice" thing I owned. I removed it upon commencing my warm-up, and absentmindedly forgot to grab it when my trainer interrupted me to start working out. As soon as I realized I left it there -- about 25 minutes later -- it was gone.

I go to that particular gym at least 3x a week and have become friendly with many of the staff and regulars. It makes me sick to think that from now on I'll be exercising in the same space as some skanky, sneaky, shitty thief who sees an (obviously) nice item that does not belong to them and feels compelled to take it.

I hope you get a skin infection from my watch and your fucking hand rots off. And I hope the negative karma you've incurred for taking my watch which was a gift comes back in the form of an early death. GET IT? YOU'LL RUN OUT OF TIME PREMATURELY. HAHAHAHA, bitch!

And while I'm cursing you, I hope I find out who you are cause you're going to be the first person I assault in my lifetime.

RIP, watch. I'll miss you. We had a lot of good times together.
And to the ugly, out-of-shape wannabe THIEF who knicked it, fuck yourself.

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Brack is Back

The first time I recall "black" being referenced as a trend pointing to a deeper psychology was in the [awesome] film, "The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover" by Peter Greenaway. The French chef is going on about why people like to eat "fings which are black"; it having to do with their desire to ingest/conquer death or something. Anyway, great film. Watch it.

Regardless, brack is the new brack again.

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Nightmare Fodder

This would be a sure-fire way to give that special kid in your life a potentially scarring psychological episode that would feed night terrors for a decent amount of time. [via UneasySilence]

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Looking for Some Action

via Pink Tentacle

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Polygonum multiflorum

or "Fo Ti" is a root/herb of Chinese origin. I've been taking it for years as a supplement. I think back in college I read somewhere that it was good for "male vitality" (ahem). I've never had a problem with my "vitality" but I figured hell, it can only help, right?

Anyways, back to Fo Ti -- it's also known as Chinese Knotweed (heh heh) or he shou wu (何首乌), named after the first man known to have ingested it. Who lived to be 132 years old. (And also had his his gray hair turn back to black, apparently.) I looked further into this alleged "elixir of life" and discovered that it is known for benefits other then the aforementioned.."vitality". The stuff is even better then I originally thought. [from Drug Digest]

• In animal studies, unprocessed fo-ti has showed some ability to improve memory, affect immune function, and protect the liver from toxins. All these effects are probably due to antioxidant properties of unprocessed fo-ti.

• ...processed fo-ti contains protein-sugar complexes known as lectins. Because they attach to specific arrangements of carbohydrates on cells in the body, lectins act like antibodies, but they do not cause allergy symptoms like most antibodies do. The lectins in processed fo-ti may affect fat levels in the blood, helping to prevent or delay heart disease by blocking the formation of plaques in blood vessels. Plaques are accumulations of fat and other cells that restrict the size of blood vessels and limit the flexibility of their walls. In animal studies, processed fo-ti also reduced the amount of fat that deposited in the liver. It may also protect the liver from damage by toxins such as dry cleaning fluid. Processed fo-ti may also have immune system effects.

and here's the fine print:

• However, both unprocessed fo-ti and processed fo-ti have some similar effects. Both have been shown in animal and human studies to lower blood levels of “bad” low-density lipoprotein (LDL) cholesterol and raise the levels of “good” high-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol. Antioxidant effects are believed to be involved, in addition to lectin’s activity. Although early results look promising, more studies are needed to prove the cholesterol-lowering effects of fo-ti.

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The Headlines Get Gnarlier

The past couple of weeks have been marked by a gaping lack of "real news" (not that I'm complaining). Shapeshifter got married, Bush is still an idiot asshole 'leader' of epic proportions, superficiality can be rewarding, and the odd, gross headline have come across my monitor lately.

In continuation of the slow, lame news stretch, here's more gross and pretty useless information.

Larvae Take Up Residence on Man's Head
Jul 17, 11:35 PM (ET)

CARBONDALE, Colo. (AP) - Doctors thought the strange, bleeding bumps on Aaron Dallas' head might be from gnat bites or shingles. Then the bumps started moving.

A doctor found five active bot fly larvae living beneath the skin atop Dallas' head.

"I'd put my hand back there and feel them moving. I thought it was blood coursing through my head," Dallas told the (Glenwood Springs) Post Independent.

"I could hear them. I actually thought I was going crazy."

Rest of the story here. [MyWay News]

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One of the Gnarlier Headlines I've Read

Rugby player finds rival's tooth buried in forehead [AFP via RawStory]
An Australian rugby player who went to his doctor with severe headaches was amazed to find he'd been living with an opponent's tooth embedded in his forehead for months, it was reported Tuesday.

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Because Religion isn't Divisive Enough These Days

Pope: Other Christians Not True Churches [via myway]

LORENZAGO DI CADORE, Italy (AP) - Pope Benedict XVI has reasserted the universal primacy of the Roman Catholic Church, approving a document released Tuesday that says Orthodox churches were defective and that other Christian denominations were not true churches.

This is really one of those important reassertions that needs to be made - especially in such tranquil times as this. It's really not enough to just have all Christians thinking that other organized religions are godless cults; what we need is in-fighting between members of the same faith.

Thanks Benny!

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Euphilotes battoides allyni

Rare butterfly makes comeback on L.A.-area beaches [LA Times]

The tiny El Segundo blue has returned to two locations where it has not been seen in decades. Scientists are surprised at the resurgence.

I shall endeavor to shoot and capture a specimen.

*With my CAMERA* LOLOLOL (mwah-mwah)

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Is This Really Something that Needs a *Petition*?

http://www.ivpnewmedia.com/10thst/tifts/pr.html

That's more than sad. Normally, I don't go for online petitions, letters to Congress people, etc. but something about this struck a chord in me.

I'm all for the men & women who've represented our sad nation during the past few years of war getting all the mental health care they need or want.

The kickin heavy metal video is a nice touch.

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Sunday Morning

Looked nothing like this:

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I Worked on a Music Video Shoot Today

In Hollywood. Pro bono, natch (bummer, I know). But I learned I'm a quick study at dolly skills and (audio) playback. My theory concerning superior lighting was furthered by today's work -- it is more important than one might think and can bump up production value tenfold.

I also imparted some interesting film/video history, i.e. - GoGo Yubari from the Kill Bill movies, is actually a character taken and elaborated on, from Battle Royale. I was surprised that most people don't know that.

What else? Oh driving in LA absolutely sucks.

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Stop Me If You Think That You've Heard This One Before

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Rejected Wii Games

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The Association

Something about Peter, Bjorn & John's "Young Folks" reminds me of this:

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Everything About This is Awesome

These kids have restored my faith in young people today.
First, cheers to them for even knowing the Buggles and this song. Second, to quote the comments, "harps a pimp". Enjoy. [from reddit.com]

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Play This :: Sonic

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Spider Test

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Giving Credit Where Credit's Due

Wow, this is impressive. I confess, I don't know what a Modest Mouse is (I think he was on the Garden State soundtrack and/or may have committed suicide) but this fan-video is really well done.

Max Tyrie's Hand Made Modest Mouse Video [Wooster Collective]

"Myself and a couple have friends have entered the above into the Modest Mouse video competition. Using green screen footage provided by the band we cut a simple music video. We then degraded the images and printed out each frame sequentially. (all 4133 of them) We then nailed each "shot" of 50-100 posters to various structures and posts. Then using a digital SLR camera with a long exposure we frame by frame shot each poster. Oh, and theres a little video projection (again, frame by frame on the SLR) just to mix it up. There is no compositing, no shortcuts, just lots of blood, sweat and tears, and a huge Kinkos bill!".... Max

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I Still Have Batman Neck

Still.

Haha, remember this?

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I Want One: Hang

[via reddit.com]
Ladies and gentermen, I present to you, the hang:

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Then Work in a Bank

Celebrities Flipping the Bird [It's Knutz]

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Choices, part 4

Click image to view full size

from xkcd.com

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Untitled

Through a circuitous set of circumstances (a sole Google return), I came to suspect that an old friend and ex may have died last year. She was my girlfriend throughout High School and someone I kept in high regard despite not having had contact since then. It literally took the wind out of me when I saw the Social Security death entry. To be honest, I suspect that the kickback from this revelation will slowly register and manifest itself. I do hope I am wrong in my sleuthing. If this all reads as somewhat clinical or robotic, it's cause I'm actually..freaked out.

On a lighter note, here's the track by Swan Island that I've abused. Enjoy. And again, don't say that Daddy never gave you nothing.




And play nice together out there kids. Let's not take each other for granted.

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WWJD?

CNN: Buy without guilt using new 'Vatican credit card' [video]
Haha, don't leave Rome without it!! That's hil-AIR-ious!
I'm not 100% clear on how it allows one to 'buy without guilt' though.

Seriously, can I just bypass the shopping part and pay the Vatican to absolve me of my guilt?

Oh wait.

-Note: This might have something to do with it.

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I Have Batman Neck

due to some horrendously strained muscle(s) that run down the left side of my neck and mid back vertebrae. (Hot, I know.) Hey, on a Batman tip, the viral marketing campaign for whatever number we're up to -- the one with Heath Ledger as the Joker -- launched today. Don't waste your time. It was a bit too thinly veiled. Interesting aesthetic though, I see it as Leatherface meets Saw sort of.

Let's see.. Been a slow news week so far...Something about Helen Mirren meeting (and being starstruck by) David Beckham, people are still killing each other, etc. [my apologies for the trashy becks link, i couldn't find the original one that enlightened me to this earth-shattering factoid]

I finished and deployed a couple websites for a 'client' who actually paid me which is always nice and I'm waiting to hear from a wife of a colleague of a friend about an possible interactive producer gig (freelance, natch) which is also cool.

In Wii news, I gots me some 'Wii Play' and WarioWare but have yet to get deep into 'em.

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AVP, Wii Games, Chinese Foot Binding

• This is nasty and oddly intriguing. Chinese Foot Binding[via Reddit]
• On the Edge of Blade Runner [Google video]
• AVP in Hermosa Beach
• Smooth Moves from WarioWare
• I hate my DVR cause it never records the Office for me. Punk Bitch.
  

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Again, Yay!

Sorry. Not.

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Best Worst

from reddit my new boyfriend

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Death Stuff, America

Did you know that if you are a soldier buried in Arlington National Cemetery there is a list of 'approved' engravings to indicate the religious affiliation of the fallen soldier?

Me neither.

But wait, it gets even more interesting. This is the "Humanist emblem for spirit":

More about secular ethics and humanism here.

Apparently, it was only recently that the pentacle became accepted to denote soldiers of the Wiccan faith.

Haha, I learn this the same day that Falwell bit it. Who says the terrorists have won?

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Light Criticism

This is wonderful and makes me homesick.

[via The Anti-Advertising Agency]

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Yay!

Shane: Jerry Falwell is dead.
Co-worker: Didn't she just have a baby?
Shane: That's Geri Halliwell.
Shane |05.15.07 - 2:09 pm |
-comment at joe.my.god

Seriously, this news, and the ensuing commentaries (here or here or here) have brought me a sort of joy that I didn't know I was capable of feeling.

*Before anyone gets up in my grill for being..'evil' - I merely aim to illuminate the moral of the story: Be an unintelligent, hateful gasbag who amasses a fortune from hateful misguided pseudo-religious dabblings in politics, and people will dance on your grave when you die.

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Fascinating

Debate on Amputee Sprinter: Is He Disabled or Too-Abled?

This is a very interesting question - and one that will be asked more and more as technology progresses. The fact that a person born with such a (what not long ago would have been considered) 'handicap' is now considered a threat to competition freaks me out. It's like exciting and scary at the same time.

I'm interested to see how this guy's case develops.

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aSTEROIDS

This is a bumping little timesuck. I recommend it. Don't ignore the thrust and go for the power-ups.

Haha, that's what he said.

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Bear With Me

I'm trying to figure out this new google-jacked scene.
I think the banner above will be changing often at least.

PS The pope is in Brazil. Poor Brazil.

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Last Night in New York

This dude's a badass but a wonderful host